I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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