A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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