I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
