so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
