Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
