I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
