She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
