haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
