We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
