I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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