Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
that may or may not have been my penis.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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