did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
