mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
