the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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