she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
