I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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