My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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