Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
