i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
