Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
