Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
