lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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