We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
