I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
