Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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