he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize