So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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