come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
