Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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