At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Can you bring me the toilet please
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
