Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
