He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
