so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
