Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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