I heard we made out
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
