dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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