he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
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Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
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my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
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