dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
