Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
