i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
they're like a gay fantastic four
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
