Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
