After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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