drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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