Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
