HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
