i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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