He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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