gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
