i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
