My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
