Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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