I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
