She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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