i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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