"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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