My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
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I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
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Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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