Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
