I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
