the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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