You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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