my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
