I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
