i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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