I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
