Christians are straight up FREAKS
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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