I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
