Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
