The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Randomize
