Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
