Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
