when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
