i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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