after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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