my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
