he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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