I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
