U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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